We often think of secrets as harmless, personal information that we choose not to share with others, whether to protect ourselves or someone else. However, mounting research suggests that keeping secrets can have detrimental effects on both mental and physical health. While the common phrase “you’re only as sick as your secrets” might sound overly dramatic, it may hold more truth than we initially realize. This article will explore how the act of keeping secrets can lead to psychological distress, social isolation, and even physical symptoms, drawing from key research findings in psychology and health sciences.
The Psychological Impact of Keeping Secrets
Secrets are a ubiquitous part of human experience, and some secrets are more burdensome than others. According to Slepian, Chun, and Mason (2017), the act of concealing secrets is not always harmful, but when individuals become preoccupied with their hidden information, it can lead to increased cognitive load and mental distress. Their research highlights that it is not merely the act of keeping a secret from others that harms, but the intrusive thoughts about the secret that can be psychologically draining.
The process of rumination—repeatedly thinking about the secret—can consume mental resources, making it harder for individuals to focus on other tasks and lowering overall cognitive functioning. Over time, this constant mental engagement with the secret can lead to feelings of anxiety, guilt, and shame, especially if the secret is related to morally sensitive issues, such as infidelity or unethical behavior. The emotional burden that accompanies such secrets can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and depression, creating a self-reinforcing cycle where the individual feels increasingly isolated from others, further intensifying their emotional pain.
Moreover, Slepian et al. (2017) suggest that individuals who frequently think about their secrets tend to feel more disconnected in their interpersonal relationships, even with those who are not the target of the secret. This perceived social isolation can have long-lasting effects on mental health, contributing to higher levels of stress and a reduced sense of social support.
The Physical Consequences of Keeping Secrets
In addition to the psychological toll, the stress of keeping secrets can manifest physically. The relationship between psychological stress and physical health is well-established in the field of psychoneuroimmunology. Chronic stress, particularly stress that is unaddressed, can weaken the immune system, making the body more susceptible to illnesses such as infections and inflammatory conditions (Pennebaker, 1997).
One of the leading scholars on the subject, James W. Pennebaker, has conducted extensive research on the health impacts of emotional disclosure. Pennebaker’s (1997) work demonstrates that people who have gone through traumatic or deeply emotional experiences often suffer from increased stress levels when they do not express their feelings or share their experiences. The physiological stress response triggered by secret-keeping can lead to elevated cortisol levels, increased heart rate, and even higher blood pressure over time. These changes in bodily functions can increase the risk of developing heart disease, gastrointestinal problems, and other chronic conditions.
In a notable study, Pennebaker (1997) asked participants to write about traumatic or distressing experiences for 15-20 minutes over several consecutive days. Those who disclosed their feelings and experiences in writing experienced fewer visits to the doctor and reported better overall health compared to participants who did not disclose these events. While the participants weren’t necessarily sharing secrets, the study underscores the importance of emotional expression. The findings suggest that suppressing emotions, whether through keeping a secret or other forms of concealment, can be harmful to both mental and physical health.
Secrecy and Social Well-being
Beyond the personal toll, keeping secrets can harm social well-being. Secrets can lead to increased feelings of guilt and shame, which in turn, hinder authentic connections with others. When someone keeps a significant secret, they may feel emotionally distanced from others, even in close relationships. This emotional distance can damage trust and intimacy, two essential components of strong interpersonal relationships. Research suggests that maintaining a secret can create a cognitive dissonance in relationships, where individuals find it difficult to fully engage or be present because they are distracted by their hidden knowledge (Slepian et al., 2017).
In severe cases, the fear of the secret being discovered can lead to avoidance behavior, where individuals withdraw from social situations altogether to prevent potential exposure. This social withdrawal can lead to increased feelings of isolation, which are strongly correlated with both depression and anxiety. Conversely, sharing the secret with a trusted person or even writing about it in a journal (as seen in Pennebaker’s studies) can alleviate the psychological burden and improve mental well-being.
Managing Secrets for Better Health
Given the clear mental and physical consequences of keeping secrets, it is important to find healthy ways to cope. Not all secrets need to be shared with others, but finding an outlet—whether through journaling, therapy, or confiding in a trusted individual—can help alleviate some of the burden. Therapy can be particularly effective because it offers a confidential space where individuals can explore the reasons for keeping the secret and work through any associated emotions.
In conclusion, keeping secrets can indeed make you “sick,” both mentally and physically. The cognitive and emotional toll of holding onto secrets can lead to increased anxiety, social disconnection, and even physical illness. However, by acknowledging these impacts and finding ways to process and express hidden information, individuals can reduce the negative effects and promote better health and well-being.
References
Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). **Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process**. *Psychological Science*, *8*(3), 162-166. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.1997.tb00403.x
Slepian, M. L., Chun, J. S., & Mason, M. F. (2017). **The experience of secrecy**. *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology*, *113*(1), 1-33. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000085